Amen... I read this and almost started crying cause I too feel the same. I too at times have a testy relationship even tho he knew I had ra when we met and bless that man's heart for taking such great care of me when I think I still can do like I use to ten years ago. I get snippy on my bad days and he just holds me and let's me cry. Blessed are those who take care of US who suffer from invisible disorders

Yes I truly empathize with you especially with the inability to get my hands to work, opening things, dropping stuff, carrying things. The list is endless. It drives me crazy , I get so upset frustrated because it means relying on others😔😏

RA stole:
1) My ability to plan anything. You never know when you're going to feel like a truck ran over you.
2) Being able to depend on my body to perform when I want it to. I pretty much use to be able to power through anything. Be damned and away we go. Now I have to think about what I'm doing and how much I do so that I don't pay days, for a few hours of enjoyment.
3) Young me.....It's unlikely that I will ever feel 100% again, no matter what drug I'm on, no matter how healthy I eat, no matter how much I exercise. There will always be at least some level of pain or uncomfortable.
4) Slowly stealing my ability to create whenever I want. This is the worst for me. I am an artist as my career, but also, it's a huge part of me. I don't even know what I am without being able to make things, draw things, design things.

Now let's turn that gloom & doom on it's head. What has RA given me (ever the glass half full approach).
1) I don't take my ability to do something for granted. I cherish my time being able to be creative and I now make time for my own creative endeavors, not just focusing on what others want me to make/do.
2) It's given me a healthier approach to food & life in general. I am nearly forced to make healthier choices. Less processed food, less chemicals in my home. More exercise.
3) It's given me my family back. I am a full blown workaholic, or have been in the past. I now have reordered my priorities. My family comes first in terms of time spent. I no longer assume that I will always have that time, or have the same quality of time available.
4) It's given me a "I don't give a flipping toss what anyone else thinks" attitude. If they don't like the way I look, what I say, how I dress, etc. whatever. They don't walk in my shoes, and they don't see what it takes to go on with my day. I never had that attitude.

In summary, yes, many days sort of suck in terms of physical pain and fatigue. However, it has also given me the gift of having my eyes opened. I seriously would've never, never, never have made such dramatic changes had RA not reared it's head. I know that I can think that maybe I would've made different choices eventually anyway, but I don't think I would've to this extent.

RA took my confidence. I feel sometimes alone because people that I love do not understand my pain. I just to be very active, I would spend lots of time with my husband working out. For me life used to be a go go. Now, I am more passive. i need to take time to rest. I can not do with my husband the same things we used to. He goes to sky by himself. I am in pain all the time. Even when I am not in a flare. I get tired very easily. I am having to much trouble to sleep due to the pain. I can feel every article from my body. I try to pretend I am ok because it is frustrating to feel bad all the time. But it is exhausting and painful.

I don't know why the doctor would say it only affected certain vertebra in the neck. Anything that is a joint can be affected!

My article says it best:

I am in an abusive relationship.

My abuser controls everything I do!!!

What I can eat, what I can wear, when I can put on makeup, how I do my hair, who I can talk to, when I can leave the house, and what I can do.

Sometimes my abuser won’t let me sleep…at all.

My abuser has harmed me. Caused me a lot of pain, anxiety, stress, and physical, mental and emotional problems.

Every. Single. Day.

My abuser has made it so friends and family no longer come around. What a control freak!

My abuser has harmed me so much that I can’t think straight anymore.

My abuser makes me so very angry!

But my abuser won’t listen to me, won’t go away and won’t leave me alone! No matter what I’ve tried!

I’ve gone to professionals but what they did for me didn’t help…it made things worse. Now I don’t feel I can trust them.

I don’t know where to turn or what to do.

I wish I would have never met my abuser!

The name of my abuser?

Rheumatoid Arthritis